come on in.

One of the things I am learning that I find pretty valuable in relationships with people is actually a relatively simple thing. I don’t need people to be super entertaining, make the wittiest comments, or be the smartest. I don’t care one bit who is the coolest, has the most expensive things, or is the most socially connected. There is one quality that seems to stand out above the rest for me: presence. 

When someone is able to be present and consistent, that is a truly valuable quality to me. Some of my very favorite people are those that I know I can trust to do what they say they are going to do. That’s not to say that this is a rigid expectation of others always sticking with some original plan, but more a general reliability factor that can be expected. To use a technical term, I’m referring to what could be called “non-flakiness.”

This quality of presence doesn’t have to look very extravagant either. You don’t need to be present with me at a cool concert, event, or always doing some exciting activity. For me, presence actually means more in the everyday, routine things of life. Contrary to popular belief about single people, I would actually love to run errands with you and your kids. I would love to sit in the same room and read with you. I would love to clean up your kitchen if you let me eat dinner at your house. 

When people open their doors and their hearts and allow you to be a part of their everyday lives, that is the true presence that I feel is the most significant. It is significant because these are the moments that life is woven of, these everyday, routine, patterned times of life. It is significant because these are also the moments that are really easy to just let pass by and not include others in. But I tend to think these times are a gift because the people you can include in these moments of your life are the people you know are “your people.” These are the people that you know are in this thing with you because they’re willing to run to the grocery store with you or to go have your car inspected...just because. 

So for me, some of the best words are not, “Oh yeah, let’s get together soon” from someone that is all about a full social calendar or with people that may be really interesting but I know may cancel at any minute. The best words for me really are these familiar ones: “The door’s open. Come on in when you get here.”